Ladies don't sweat, they "humidify".

It's been a long cold winter already, and while I do enjoy the occasional hot flash after I climb into bed (I really do enjoy them) I have spent most to the days lately shivering at this table, or running around doing a few chores before I'm too cold and fatigued and back shivering at this table.

But yesterday and today -- prepare yourselves to cheer -- I went to the GYM! Yes, the very same 24 hour gym I joined only three days ago. I'm already happily collecting stupid stories for you. It's so easy, all you have to do is walk out into the world, something I've been loath to do for almost a decade.

The gym franchise is owned by a too-fit, too-pretty, too-young couple who drive very nice cars, so I think it's working out for them (pun intended, you know me). They didn't give me any sales lip at all, and haven't bothered me during my sessions. I'm going to call them Mike and Poppy, because that's the kind of look they have.

Mike has GymRat written all over him, and was talking to another of his kind when I walked in for my first workout (first in almost 5 years).

Mike: "The Situation". You know that guy, right? The call him "The Situation".
Other Guy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Mike: The Jersey Shore, on TV? I don't watch it but everybody knows who this guy is. He's called "The Situation".
O.G.: Nope. Seriously man, never heard of him.

By this time I had made it past them into the locker area to hang up my coat, and I couldn't hear them anymore, but I was left wondering what strange lifestyle this fellow leads that has protected him from knowing the identity of "The Situation", and how I can get me a piece of that.

I did a solid 30 minutes on the treadmill, not pushing too hard but covering more than a mile and taking the incline up a little. I was interested in using the exercise bikes, too, but there are only too of them and they are very close together. They are slightly different in design, and the one with the lower, wider seat was occupied by a lady I'm calling Pink Pantsuit. It was a tracksuit, but that's not alliterative. She was there, on that bike,  when I arrived, and she was there when I left.

Instead I waddled over to the Elliptical Machines. They have an astonishing 6 of these, in 3 different styles, and I tried the one closest to the window. I have a long, sad history with ellipticals, in that my husband and daughters have always loved them, and I have never been able to use one. Rather than the issue being weight or fitness related, it is tied to physiology, and the fact that I was born with a double-jointed hip. I have numerous hyper-extensions, in fact, and while cool in a playground setting actually cause instability and inherent weakness in adult joints, therefore strengthening of supporting musculature is more-important than ever.

In past attempts to use the fun and friendly ellipticals, I was plagued by a slight snap in my hip joint (usually the left) with every rotation, as a malformed tendon caught on the anterior face of  my ilium, and after a very short time this became painful. It didn't take anytime at all for it to be annoying. I was determined to find a setting at which I wouldn't experience this, and some machines were more usable than others, but for a decade or so I've been unable to find an elliptical machine that I could actually work out on.

The first one I climbed on had a deep stride to it, and within seconds my right knee was ringing with pain (it had pinged at me a little during my walk, but not enough to worry me). I climbed off. Checked Pink Pantsuit: still peddling, and watching me. I skipped the middle elliptical, because it looked more like a stairclimber and I know I'm not ready for that. Moved on to the third variety.

Heaven! I can hardly begin to tell you what it was like, but I'll try. It was a lot like being lifted, weightless, by four mighty angels and having all my limbs manipulated in space. My hip flowed in proper rotation without so much as a hitch, and after only about thirty rounds my knee pain vanished. I was pretty tuckered from the previous half-hour on the treadmill, so I only spent 5 minutes on the thing, but my spirits were soaring, and I felt like I'd found something special, something to set my sights upon.

I used a few arm and latissimus dorsi machines, focusing on more reps and less weight, but I didn't push that, either. I'm terrified of an injury that causes me to lose ground or motivation.

Today I stopped by again on my way home from Mom's. As I pulled up I could see Pink Pantsuit parked and peddling in the window and decided I will have to vary the time of my visits more. She was there when I left, too. I stuck to almost the same routine, pushing a bit harder and dripping with sweat. I was warm enough when I left this evening to carry my jacket over my arm. I really enjoyed that.